Stephanie Writes

(I know that the subject matter I wrote here is very serious and may be uncomfortable for some. I have never experienced this type of abuse, but I was inspired to write it none the less. ) He stood above me so innocently as I lay underneath covers. Mom was gone and we were here together. My heart raced a million times before he told me "Don't be scared". He had been waiting for this moment ever since I turned sixteen. I could feel his excitement as he pressed his body against me. Outside my body I looked at me in shame and wondered "Why me?" I didn't ask for this. Why was he hurting me? Just as he began to make his move, There she was in tears. My mom had come home early and found us nearly naked. My shame was now her shame.

It's not a surprise that I hate you right now. I threw out all your belongings and put them out on the curb for your viewing pleasure. Take your junk and do with it what you want. It is no longer a concern for me to have your things. A faded t-shirt, broken glasses that you oh so loved and a box of photos of an unidentified woman who I dare say looks just like an old friend from high school, but i digress. I regret ever meeting you and all the same repulse you. Never mind the details your junk is out on the curb where you should be.

On the cab ride home I am forced to look at you in a way I cannot comprehend right now, but it is indeed scaring me. This nagging feelings underneath my skin and getting to me wanting me to tell you that I am about to explode with envy on your new relationship. I waited for years to be your girl and look at where it has gotten me. Nowhere! I fumble through my pockets just to distract myself from your fluorescent beauty. It shines with so much love it hurts me to think that you use it with what’s her face. Yea that girl I actually saw stalking you outside the café on 3rd street. Who the fuck is she anyway? Why do you like her instead of me? I hate you with a passion right now, but instead of showing my anger I sit beside you in a cab holding your hand as you gently caress the inside of my palm. Why do you do this to me?

Messy eyes and drawn out smiles are all I can think of before drifting off to sleep. She haunted me to say the least with her joker like stare and paralyzing grip on my nightmarish dreams. I wake up to the sound that has me hidden under covers. The heaviness I feel on my legs causes me to shriek. “Why must you torture me?” I say frantic for an answer. “Because, I enjoy this game my dear.” She was out of control now showing up in my dreams and waking life. What must I do to get rid of such an entity? It frightens me that she is me.

He slid his fingers through mine as we danced a slow dance in my backyard. His hair teased my cheek as I gently rested my head on his broad shoulders. “I love you so much”, he whispered into my ear. I returned his I love you with a soft stroke on the face. Our eyes danced along with our bodies to the soft music that played in the background. A peck on the lips from me to him leads to the sweetest first kisses ever. It was like magic when our lips touched, so powerful I felt lightning bolt rays from off of us. Definitely unforgettable and most excitingly intoxicating.